Vampires Suck is the best Jason Friedberg/Aaron Seltzer movie ever made! Of course, I couldn’t sit through their first film, Date Movie… and I can sit through anything. I gave Meet the Spartans and Disaster Movie ones, while Meet the Spartans received an illustrious 3. So it’s not like it takes very much to be the best Aaron Seltzer/Jason Friedberg work. The main problem I had with these guys’ movies is that, they think they’re making spoofs, but they’re not. A spoof takes a film and rags on it, while still staying close to the story. Watch Airport, Hot Shots, Robin Hood: Men in Tights, and Loaded Weapon 1 to see what I’m talking about. A spoof is not a loosely connected story with tons of pop culture references and dance scenes, which Friedberg and Seltzer seem to find limitlessly amusing.
With Vampires Suck, the directors have finally figured out how to make a spoof flick. In their latest, they stick with the story of the Twilight, which has the added bonus of lending their film a narrative structure, so it doesn’t come off like a sketch comedy show put together by two retards. It’s still full of nonsensical moments, but the fact that they stick to the story, always pulls them back to reality, which keeps the flick from becoming so terrible that you’ll walk out of the theater… well, for most people. A lot of people will still walk out of the theater on this one.
Humor-wise, Friedberg and Seltzer haven’t changed too drastically. What they have done is refined their humor and minimized all the ridiculous dance numbers and unnecessary pop culture references. The greatest thing they’ve done is that they have tapped into something that begs to be made fun of. Now, in a perfect world, I wouldn’t have chosen these two to pull off the job, but I’ll settle for whatever I can get, because Twilight simply needs to be taken down a peg. LPM’s-wise, this might be the first film by these two guys to actually be released online. I was surprised, and somewhat horrified when I laughed out loud at a couple moments. Granted they were few and far between, but some of the lines in the flick are solid. Of course, in between these sporadic guffaws, I spent my time predicting when there was going to be a fart, and yes, I nailed it right on the head.
The cast is surprisingly less detestable than their previous entries. The regulars are kept to a minimum, which is very good thing. Instead, the cast is filled with a handful of fresh faces and a few comedic stalwarts who always deliver. Jenn Proske does a fantastic Kristin Stewart impression as Becca Crane, and yet, somehow, in her mocking, she comes off as a better actress than Stewart. Her constant twitching, fidgeting, and running her hands through her hair are perfect, and Proske is a major reason why this full movie doesn’t completely Suck. Diedrich Bader (Napoleon Dynamite, Dead & Breakfast) also shows up to play Becca’s dad, and he is typically hilarious. Somehow Bader takes the poop that Friedberg and Seltzer give him and he turns it into gold. Ken Jeong (The Hangover, Knocked Up) also shows up to do his schtick, which is always welcome. The rest of the cast is forgettable, especially the two schmoes that play Edward and Jacob.
As “great” as Vampires Suck is, it’s still a mess to watch. Thankfully it’s only 76 minutes long, which works in it’s favor. Of course, if it was a 16 minute, that would be even more favorable. I can recommend you to watch Vampires Suck online fore free, and I can now have hope that one day Friedberg and Seltzer will make an actual funny movie. Maybe someone can kidnap them and force them to watch Mel Brooks movies, the Airplane flicks, or Loaded Weapon 1… then maybe they’ll understand how to make a spoof flick that is good through and through.